Handsome, Ruthless and Stupid
by greenconverses
Summary: Ian Kabra contemplates whether or not he wants to follow in his family's footsteps, and gets advice from an unlikely source. Missing moment from 39 Clues: In Too Deep.


**Author's notes:** What I am doing, writing fan fiction during NaNoWriMo? I am insane, that's why. And also because the latest _39 Clues_ book was awesome, and some fic needed to be written for it! I've been wanting to write some Ian/Amy probably ever since I read the third book and although there's not much Ian/Amy in this fic, I liked writing Ian since he's one of my favorite characters. He was just so quiet in this book, you knew he had to be angsting behind the scenes.

The quote that inspired the title for this fic really has nothing to do with the actual content. I thought it just described Ian really well.

**Spoilers:** You better believe it. If you haven't read _39 Clues: In Too Deep_, turn back now.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the _39 Clues_ books. If I did, those suckers would be a lot longer.

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"_I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid." – Dorothy Parker_

**Handsome, Ruthless and Stupid**

Doubt was an unfamiliar feeling for him.

He was a Kabra and a member of the Lucian branch of the powerful Cahill family. Lucians, and most certainly _Kabras_, do not feel doubt. They simply do what was required of them. There were no second thoughts, no discussion of possible harm – only the determination to get the job done. The Lucian name was synonymous with power, and those in their family did not get that power by harboring doubt. They did it by being…

_Ruthless_, Ian thought miserably, gulping back the sudden lump in his throat.

He leaned his forehead against the glass of their hotel window, staring out at the twisted streets of Jakarta far below him. Off in the distance, the ocean glistened like a bright blue jewel, but he could hardly enjoy the sights.

For a long time, he'd thought he had understood what it meant to be ruthless. To him, it had meant stealing and cheating his way to the top, no matter the consequences. It had meant hurting people, just a little bit, to get what he wanted and retaliating when he was wronged.

Being ruthless had led to him manipulating Amy Cahill and then leaving her trapped with no way out, all for some stinking clue that had gotten them nowhere.

When he had seen her in Russia for the first time after that incident and she'd looked at him with such real fear and hurt…that had been when Ian had felt doubt creep in for the first time. He hadn't liked seeing those emotions in Amy's eyes and knowing that he was the cause. It made something ache in his chest, knowing that she was truly afraid of him.

Ian was mean and pompous, to be sure, but he wasn't ruthless.

His mother, on the other hand, most certainly was.

For a long time, he'd aspired to be like his parents. He had pushed himself to meet their high standards, and let go of everything to gain their brief but precious approval. He had wanted to be them – cold, beautiful, and deadly.

For a little while, he had been – and he hadn't like it.

He'd seen his mother's true colors while during this excursion to Australia and Indonesia. She had been perfectly willing to throw Amy – _Amy! _– to the sharks because she had refused to give in to her demands. His mother had asked _him_ to participate in something that terrible, knowing that he had these ridiculous feelings for Amy and using that to her advantage. He'd been frozen with the shock of it, unable to do a single thing but meagerly comply.

And that hadn't even been the worst of it!

She'd risked his and Natalie's lives trying to run the Cahill's plane of the runway, as if the fact that her children were in the vehicle with her simply didn't matter. She'd tried to poison Amy and Dan in the mine, and now…

Ian shuddered, not wanting to think of it.

Was this what he wanted to be? To have Amy look at him like he was going to reach out and break her? To be like his mother, cold and uncaring about anything but herself?

To be _ruthless_?

"You have been quiet this trip, young Kabra," Irina's accented voice murmured by his side. Ian glanced at her warily; he hadn't even heard her sidle up to him and usually he was quite aware of her every movement. "I keep expecting some witty barb from you and yet…nothing. Very strange."

"Don't you have some groveling to do for mother, Irina?" he replied, but his comment lacked its usual bite. Even in her old age, Irina was bright enough to catch that. Of course.

"I am not the only one out of favor," she said, shooting him a significant glance. "Letting your feelings get in the way again, hmmm?"

Ian frowned and turned his gaze away from the spy. "If you don't have anything constructive to add, go away. I want to be alone."

Irina ignored his request, but thankfully remained silent for a few blessed moments as she stared down at the city with him. Briefly, Ian wondered why she had chosen to come over to talk to him – they weren't particularly close, even if they were members of the same branch, and they despised each other. Natalie believed it was because Irina was jealous that two children constantly outwitted the former spy; Ian had agreed for a time, until he recognized that Irina truly despised their parents.

Finally, the older woman broke the silence between them. She spoke so softly that Ian had to strain to hear her.

"You do not have to be like them."

He blinked and pulled his gaze away from the window again. How had she known what he was thinking about?

"What do you mean?"

Irina didn't look at him, staring straight ahead, the wrinkles in her forehead and on her cheeks thrown into sharp relief in the afternoon sunlight. His mother and Natalie thought Irina was ugly because of her wrinkles – Ian thought she looked real, like she had lived and hurt like everyone else.

"Do not play the idiot with me, boy. I recognize the thoughts that are running through your head," she said, reaching up to tap her own forehead. "They are the same that are in mine."

Ian said nothing, waiting for her to continue. And she did.

"Being a Lucian does not mean being cruel and unreasonable, nor abusing the power within our family. Your parents and the others of our family, including myself, have forgotten that. Do not make my mistake and remember too late," Irina said, turning her head and fixing him with her piercing blue eyes. "You always have a choice. You do not have to be like them, Ian, and I would not like you to be."

They held each other's gazes for a beat longer before Irina turned away and left his side, her footfalls silent against the plush carpet. Ian stared at the place where she had stood for a long time, his head swimming with thoughts of all shapes and sizes. Was this some kind of mind game? Was Irina trying to undermine his confidence so she could take back the lead in searching for clues?

Ian's head told him _yes yes yes_ but his heart…his heart, the foul little organ he rarely listened to, knew that what Irina had said was sincere. He did have a choice to make, one that would determine the rest of the quest for the 39 Clues and his part in it.

Did he want to be ruthless?

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Thanks for reading, and please review!


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